It's Here! (But what is it?)

Got the keys to the new Burgman on Monday and drove it home from the dealer's in Amherst, NS. Granted, it's only 70 kms away, but it was an interesting ride nonetheless. I did get to familiarize myself with this new scoot.

Lessons learned:

• The left lever is not a clutch (repeat five times before riding).
• ABS on the rear brake is very effective at preventing lock-up when you grab a handful of the left lever (see above point).
• It'll do 0 to 60 mph in under 7 seconds. Not impressive by sportbike standards, but plenty fast to spook the guy on the Road King when I merged into traffic on the highway.
• 60 - 80 mph "top-gear" roll-on is surprisingly quick.
• It can easily do 100 mph. On a long stretch of superslab, I had it up to 160 km/h and it still had plenty of pull. No doubt that it can reach 180 km/h.
• CVT tranny means constant engine rpm's does not equal constant speed. Very surprised to find I was going 165 km/h at the bottom of a long hill!

Worst (or best) part about owning a Burgman: the inquisitive stare you get from cagers/motorcyclists/gas station attendants/innocent bystanders... Three times already I've been asked the question: What is that?

Answer: That's my ride.

"Yeah, it's a scooter. You got a problem with that?"

"I like to do things that are surprising and different." - Rudy Rucker

New Horse in the Stable

I haven't ridden much this season. I try to blame it on many factors: the constant rain, low temps, mechanical gremlins in the old Seca... in the end, however, it's mostly due to this damn pinched nerve that causes my left hand to go weak and numb from time to time.

Ever try riding in midtown traffic and have your "clutch hand" go numb? Believe me, it gives a whole new appreciation to clutchless shifting!

So what's a guy to do? I guess the responsible thing would have been to push the old Seca to the back of the garage, under a tarp, and try to ignore the temptation until it goes away. Yup, that would've been responsible; but it wouldn't have been me.

Instead, I went looking for a solution to my predicament. How to ride without a clutch? Simple - get a scooter. I still need something that'll haul my aging carcass comfortably while ideally offering some space for the missus. So here's what I found:



I'll be picking up the Black Burgman on Tuesday. For now, I have to get a stall ready for her in the stable, next to the old mare (which I hope won't be too jealous).

Wish me luck!

"No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle." - Winston Churchill

Ugliest Bike?

So I'm on coffee break at work with a few colleagues who happen to be motorcycle aficionados and rather than argue on who has the most blinged/farkled/powerful bike, we're pondering the question of the ugliest bike ever built. Of course, for such an important debate to take place, there has to be some ground rules: a) it must be a full production motorcycle (i.e. not a "custom" or "limited edition" model), and b) it has to be mainstream enough that a motorcyclist worthy of the title will have heard of it (i.e. no obscure brands from Slobovia or Whatsthatistan).

My colleagues who were of the "cruiser" persuasion immediately pointed out modern interpretations of the style like the BMW R1200C, the Victory Vision or the Honda Rune. The crotch-rocket crowd were quick to put down Ducati's Terblanche designed 999.

Personally, I'm a motorcycle polygamist who goes for all styles of bike. My vote was split between the Munch Mammoth and the Ducati Indiana!

The brainchild of Friedl Munch, the Mammoth managed to cram an air-cooled inline-four taken from a car (the NSU Prinz) into a motorcycle frame. Displacing 1200cc with a 5½ gallon tank up top, it was actually a good performer... But like the Boss Hoss and Amazonas which came after, it is painfully clear that even the best designer would have trouble making something other than an eyesore when a car engine is used in a motorcycle.



The European manufacturers have long known that to stay afloat, they must cater to the American motorcyclist. For the most part this can mean only one thing: build a cruiser. While some like Triumph and Moto Guzzi had some success in this market segment, others like BMW and Ducati seemed to fall flat. Ducati can be forgiven - to a certain extent - as the Indiana was actually built by Cagiva, who would stick the Ducati logo on the tank. The premise was simple - build a cruiser using a sportbike engine. However, the resulting bike wasn't very well executed. I guess the one redeeming quality is that lessons learned by Ducati with the Indiana may have prevented them from a repeat with the stunning Diavel!



So what say you? What do you think is the ugliest production motorcycle ever?

“No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.” - Oscar Wilde

How (Un)original!

Just got notification from Zinio that the August electronic editions of Cycle World and Motorcyclist were now available for download. Great - except I had to do a double-take to make sure I hadn't downloaded the same magazine twice.

Editors at CW and MC must be spying on each other's contact sheets lately, as the cover story on both of these competing publications is pretty much the same: the effects of fancy electronics on superbikes. Heck, even the front covers look suspiciously similar.

"Originality is the art of concealing your sources" - Benjamin Franklin

Fat (or Phat) Hooligan Bike?

Let's be honest: sometimes being bad feels good. Like pulling a wheelie on your super-light and overly powerful sportbike (when nobody's around - of course).

But you've got to truly admire someone who can get a 2294cc, long wheelbase cruiser to stand one her hind legs like this:

Lipstick and Gluteoplasty

After a 10 year run, Honda has finally come out with a "new" Goldwing. Except when you delve deeper in the press release, you start to wonder what's so new about it. Obviously, there have been some aesthetic changes: the front fairing now has a "two-tone" paint scheme which apparently should channel the VFR1200 (yeah - right!) and the rear sidecases have been visually trimmed (although they have bigger volume).

What about the engine? Same old, same old...

The tranny? Nope...

But they must've finally added electric windshield adjustment? Not yet...

It almost gives the impression that Honda panicked a bit when BMW came out with their new (from the ground up) K1600GT and GTL. Even though the Beemer now seems to be in the lead for the title of über-bagger, I'm not convinced that BMW will steal much business from Honda. Let's face it: most dyed-in-the-wool Goldwing fans will keep buying it as long as it offers a seating position reminiscent of a Lay-Z-Boy, more switches and knobs than an Airbus, and that big, flat-6 engine which puts many a four-wheeled people mover to shame.

Methinks BMW is starting to aim for a somewhat younger demographic - like the forty-something Gen-Xers who've grown up and are starting to see some light at the end of this long tunnel called recession. Those who still view the 'Wing as an "old man's bike" (regardless of the new Tupperware) and want something a little (teenie bit) more lithe. Sure, many fans of the now discontinued K1200LT (i.e. Light Truck) were disappointed that the new inline-sixers don't have electric centerstands or - gasp - a reverse gear, and I'll admit those were cool farkles... but have you guys seen that trick self-adjusting headlight?!? Besides, the K1200LT never really had a strong "personality" other than it's creature comforts... The sound alone from the new inline-6 at redline should be enough to convince any performance-hungry motorcyclist to fork out the 20-grand (or sell some non-vital organs to help finance their folly).

Anybody looking for a slightly used and abused kidney?

Two-Wheeled Adultery to Keep the Missus Happy!

I am unfaithful.

Although I spend countless hours doting on my beloved old bike, I secretly sneak off to my computer every now and again to lust on other bikes. I just feel so dirty!

It's a serious disease and for which I've yet to find any kind of relief. Our house is running out of room to store the innumerable magazines, books and glossy dealership handouts which I've accumulated over the years. I'm a bit of a packrat, and I refuse to throw away any of my old magazines. Hey, you never know when that review of a 1994 BMW Funduro might come in handy. I mean, it's reference material, right? Only the recent availability of electronic magazines has given us some respite.

Anyhow, the temptation to cheat on my beloved Seca has gotten worse lately. I love the old beast, and although it is great for carving twisties and running errands around town; it doesn't really fit the bill when it comes to touring. Mostly, I think it has to do with the fact that my wife isn't really comfortable travelling on the old Yamaha. Can't say I blame her either, as the longish, flat seat has all the comfort of a two by eight piece of pine.

So I'll probably spend some time this winter checking the online ads for a decent used (i.e. cheap) touring rig. I'd actually spotted a nice '82 Goldwing without the fairing or excessive chrome (à la Nakedwing); but the wife didn't go for it. Says it looks too much like an "old man's bike".

Maybe I'll be able to get my hands on a nice sport-touring bike. I'm thinking something like a Honda ST1100 or maybe a Yami FJ1200. With the cold, wet weather settling in, I'll have plenty of time to look.

Any suggestions?

One Man's Junk

The concept (or belief) of Heaven is an interesting one. As kids, we were made to believe in Heaven as a place of perfection: everyone there is happy, healthy and never wants for anything. I remember my elementary-school mind thinking that it must be something like DisneyWorld... or at least I supposed as much since I'd never been there (DisneyWorld, that is).

As a motorcyclist, I can only hope that if there is such a thing as the afterlife, that it looks something like Allen's Cycle Salvage yard. In other words, as far from perfection as possible! Sure, I love to go to the local motorcycle dealerships and drool on the perfect lineup of shiny new bikes. But for sheer, unadulterated bliss, give me a few spanner wrenches and acres of junked bikes.

I may have been a fool in buying an old '82 Yamaha Seca 650 (XJ650RJC for you aficionados out there). It's a somewhat rare model, as even in 1982 North American tastes had started being more focused on style-specific bikes and moving away from the "standard" which continues to be so popular in Europe. As such, the Seca wasn't a huge seller - so used parts are scarce. To make matters worse, I have the Canadian model (hence the "C" in RJC) with the YICS engine. And yeah, she's a real finicky one to tune.

Oh sure, there will always be an interest in rarer bikes for collectors who spend insane amounts of money restoring them to pristine condition. But let's get real here: this is my daily driver. My goal isn't to make some sort of museum piece out of it; I just want it to be reliable, comfortable and versatile.

My most rewarding challenge so far? Simple: finding parts from other bikes that can be made to fit on mine. It's slowly turning into a Frankenbike, but in a good way.

"My wife is always trying to get rid of me. The other day she told me to put the garbage out. I said to her I already did. She told me to go and keep an eye on it." - Rodney Dangerfield

Riding, It's Good For The Soul

Lazy blogger I am.

Seems life pulls you in one direction just long enough so that you get accustomed to the trajectory, then there's a shift and you beeline towards something else. Past six months have been something like that. Nothing major, mind you... just an accumulation of small changes that add up to a whole pile of "what the hell just happened?" The important stuff (i.e. the things a normal, well-balanced person should focus on but rarely does) is still there: still married, health is OK, still working (albeit, a bureaucrat).

So what's changed? Well, the job is getting more difficult for one. OK - I can imagine what you're thinking: poor little overpaid public servant with his cushy job. Firstly, I've never complained about the pay or benefits because you're right: they're great. No argument here. But imagine being in a job where you feel like a dog chasing its tail. You're constantly stuck in meetings and conference calls, everything you do is questioned, audited and redone by one of your superiors. People are moving from one job to another, and no one seems to really be in charge.

A recent study of federal executives found that three quarters felt "on the verge of burnout". You'd think that a high-paid director of something-or-other would be empowered by such a position, but it's quite the opposite. Executives in the private sector typically feel less stress because they have more control. When you work for the government (at least, in Canada), regardless at what level, you are little more than a puppet whose strings are held by the politicians in Ottawa.

Sound like I'm overreacting? Consider this: in the federal public service, disability claims related to mental health doubled between 1991 and 2007. Right now, they account for 45% of all claims.

But at least I've got my bike! Even with all the BS I have to put up with at work, just a half-hour ride still does it for me. I get home more relaxed, focused and probably easier to live with.

...but what will I do this winter?!?

"I don't want a pickle, just want to ride on my motorsickle" - Arlo Guthrie

Waiting for the Breakdown

Like millions of others around the world, I've been watching the Olympics for the past two weeks, rooting for the home team, hoping for some medals. Vancouver has been marred by problems since the very start. There was the tragic death of Georgian luger Nodar Kumaritashvili during a practice run just hours before the opening ceremony. Then our Canadian sweetheart, figure skater Joannie Rochette, lost her mother to a heart attack just days before she was scheduled to compete.

Of course, when tragedy occurs, media will be there. Hence the title of this post. For these athletes to continue on after tragedy is commendable... but to be able to forge ahead under constant media attention and scrutiny; well, that is truly admirable.

The resilience for some athletes was amazing, while for others, the pain was simply too great. Rochette went on to win the Bronze last night. Kumaritashvili's fellow luger, Levan Gureshidze, felt he could not compete following the death of his teammate, and returned to Georgia to mourn.

Vancouver has also been challenged by the various technical and logistical problems they've had. From ice surfacers breaking down at the speed skating oval, to lack of snow on the mountains. Oh yes, let's not forget the protesters... Thousands who march the streets to bring more attention to their chosen cause. Don't get me wrong, I'll be the first to stand up for a person's right to protest... but not when that protesting involves violence or destruction of property.

But even with all the negative attention these games have garnered, there have still been moments that were simply uplifting. Watching Rochette get her bronze last night, the voice of legendary sportscaster Jim McKay floated in my head from his well remembered introduction to ABC's Wide World of Sports:

"Spanning the globe to bring you the constant variety of sport...

The thrill of victory...

And the agony of defeat...

The human drama of athletic competition..."

Indeed.