The Man in Black

First off, let's be clear about one thing: I love Johnny Cash. I've always been a big fan of his music and his style. I use the "Man in Black" title sarcastically and with no disrespect intended.

Why is it that something like 90% of motorcycle gear is black? I've been asking myself this question for a few years now and I can't seem to figure it out. Is there a safety advantage? Obviously not, as it's probably the most inconspicuous of colours. What about practicality? Nada. Have you ever been stuck in gridlock under the mid-August sun while wearing a black riding jacket? Fun, eh?

My favourite long-distance riding jacket right now is a First Gear Kathmandu that I picked-up last year at a considerable discount over at New Enough (now motorcyclegear.com - as a sidebar, those guys are great to deal with, I highly recommend buying your gear there). It's a great jacket, with plenty of pockets, good venting, CE armour in the right places, and hey - it's even got a hydrapack pocket so you can maintain your H2O levels while riding. Best of all: it's beige! Yup, that's right, beige. Plain, simple, boring, beige. The light colour helps reflect way more heat from the sun's rays than any of my black riding jackets. I liked it so much that two weeks later I ordered the matching pants (again - at a considerable discount).

SWMBO also liked my new jacket. So much that I had to order a Kilimanjaro for her in the same boring beige. She loved the jacket and, naturally, wanted the matching pants. Uh oh! No such thing. I've searched and searched the web, googling 'til the wee hours of the morning. No dime. It's near impossible to find some nice, beige, ladies' riding pants. Go figure?

Sure, a two-piece touring suit is a bit bulkier and slower to get in and out of than, say a Roadcrafter. But the 'Stich is in dire need of a makeover. Sure, it's got the quality and practicality down, but it's about as fashionable as a hazmat suit.

Which may be the main reason why so many riding jackets & pants are black. Maybe it's a fashion thing? The idea of black leather and motorbikes has so deeply ingrained itself into the whole "biker culture" thing that many people wouldn't consider wearing any other colour... Except for the racer boys who look like Sherwin Williams did a number on their puck-kneed suits. But that's another story...

Sunset ride to Beaumont

One of my favourite local rides is due South out of town heading along the Petitcodiac river towards the small agricultural villages of Pré-d'en-Haut and Beaumont. The muddy banks of the river, ondulating fields of corn, apple orchards and the lovely small villages are the stuff post cards are made of. Add the setting sun over the river and some low-lying clouds for diffused light and it's practically perfect.

Here, Burgie takes a break while I shoot a few frames.

Sun setting over the river and the fields.

The small church at Beaumont. There's also a small Indian cemetery and monument to the Mikma'q people who used to call this beautiful place home. In the summer, local singer-songwriters offer concerts in the church - talk about an intimate setting. The acoustics are pretty good too!

Since Heritage Canada did a PSA in the early nineties regarding the history and importance of Inukshuk for the Inuit, they've started popping up just about everywhere! Guess they've moved further South from the Arctic.

One last shot of Burgie against a beautiful backdrop.

Beautiful ride, although I did end up unwillingly donating about half-a-pint of blood to the local mosquito population! I really gotta remember to bring some deet next time.

"Sundown ya better take care, if I find you been creepin' 'round my back stairs" - Gordon Lightfoot

A Man's Scooter!

As expected, the jokes have already started at work about my new "girly" bike! No worries, I can take it and dish it out with the best of 'em. However, one of my colleagues was worried that I might feel emasculated by the fact that I'm now "stuck riding a step-through", so he wrote me the following email which I share with you now:

"OK, let me start off by saying this 2011 Burgman 650 Exec ABS is only available for purchase by the manliest of men. My friend, if it was possible for a vehicle to sprout chest hair and a five o’clock shadow, this 2011 Burgman 650 Exec ABS would look like Tom Selleck. It is just that manly.

It was never intended to drive to the mall so you can pick up that cool shirt at H&M that you had your eye on. It wasn’t meant to transport you to yoga class or Bath and Body Works. No, that’s what your Tiguan is for. If that’s the kind of vehicle you’re looking for, then just do us all a favour and stop reading right now. This bike will make it to hell and back, twice, and without a scar. So if you can’t handle being seen behind the wheel of this biblical, fire breathing, dragon slaying, nazi killing hero because it has no pegs, move on.

No, this brute comes with the things us testosterone-fuelled super action junkies need. It has a 638 cc (38.9 cu. in), 4-stroke, liquid-cooled, DOHC, 2 cylinder engine to outrun the cops and an Electronically-Controlled Continuously Variable Transmission with 2 automatic modes (Power and Way Too Fast). It will save your bacon more than once. It’s got special upholstery that was made from the scales of some obscure extinct groundfish. It’s even got cutaway floorboards to accommodate a large Bernese Mountain Dog. The Burgman 650 Executive also comes with a passenger backrest for when your wife or mother rides with you.

The price on this bad boy is none of your damn business. Asking the price of all this macho is liable to earn you a Burnese-roundhouse-sphincter-kick with a follow up three fingered eye-jab. Would it hurt? Hell yeah. Let’s just say you won’t be the prettiest guy at the boat christening in Caraquet anymore.

There’s no km’s on this hellcat from Planet Kickass. Trust me, it will outlive you and the offspring that will carry your name. It will live on as a monument to your machismo. It has room for you and the hottie you picked up on the way to the gym to blast your pecs and hammer your glutes.

Notice: you should be aware that men will shoot at you because they are jealous of your ride.

Now, go look in the mirror and tell me what you see. If it’s a rugged, no holds barred, super brute he-man macho Chuck Norris stunt double, then get a Burgman 650 Executive ABS when you get back from hang-gliding or BASE jumping or just chilling with your lady."

Thanks Tony... I needed that!

"Some men are so macho they'll get you pregnant just to kill a rabbit." - Maureen Murphy

It's Here! (But what is it?)

Got the keys to the new Burgman on Monday and drove it home from the dealer's in Amherst, NS. Granted, it's only 70 kms away, but it was an interesting ride nonetheless. I did get to familiarize myself with this new scoot.

Lessons learned:

• The left lever is not a clutch (repeat five times before riding).
• ABS on the rear brake is very effective at preventing lock-up when you grab a handful of the left lever (see above point).
• It'll do 0 to 60 mph in under 7 seconds. Not impressive by sportbike standards, but plenty fast to spook the guy on the Road King when I merged into traffic on the highway.
• 60 - 80 mph "top-gear" roll-on is surprisingly quick.
• It can easily do 100 mph. On a long stretch of superslab, I had it up to 160 km/h and it still had plenty of pull. No doubt that it can reach 180 km/h.
• CVT tranny means constant engine rpm's does not equal constant speed. Very surprised to find I was going 165 km/h at the bottom of a long hill!

Worst (or best) part about owning a Burgman: the inquisitive stare you get from cagers/motorcyclists/gas station attendants/innocent bystanders... Three times already I've been asked the question: What is that?

Answer: That's my ride.

"Yeah, it's a scooter. You got a problem with that?"

"I like to do things that are surprising and different." - Rudy Rucker

New Horse in the Stable

I haven't ridden much this season. I try to blame it on many factors: the constant rain, low temps, mechanical gremlins in the old Seca... in the end, however, it's mostly due to this damn pinched nerve that causes my left hand to go weak and numb from time to time.

Ever try riding in midtown traffic and have your "clutch hand" go numb? Believe me, it gives a whole new appreciation to clutchless shifting!

So what's a guy to do? I guess the responsible thing would have been to push the old Seca to the back of the garage, under a tarp, and try to ignore the temptation until it goes away. Yup, that would've been responsible; but it wouldn't have been me.

Instead, I went looking for a solution to my predicament. How to ride without a clutch? Simple - get a scooter. I still need something that'll haul my aging carcass comfortably while ideally offering some space for the missus. So here's what I found:



I'll be picking up the Black Burgman on Tuesday. For now, I have to get a stall ready for her in the stable, next to the old mare (which I hope won't be too jealous).

Wish me luck!

"No hour of life is wasted that is spent in the saddle." - Winston Churchill

Ugliest Bike?

So I'm on coffee break at work with a few colleagues who happen to be motorcycle aficionados and rather than argue on who has the most blinged/farkled/powerful bike, we're pondering the question of the ugliest bike ever built. Of course, for such an important debate to take place, there has to be some ground rules: a) it must be a full production motorcycle (i.e. not a "custom" or "limited edition" model), and b) it has to be mainstream enough that a motorcyclist worthy of the title will have heard of it (i.e. no obscure brands from Slobovia or Whatsthatistan).

My colleagues who were of the "cruiser" persuasion immediately pointed out modern interpretations of the style like the BMW R1200C, the Victory Vision or the Honda Rune. The crotch-rocket crowd were quick to put down Ducati's Terblanche designed 999.

Personally, I'm a motorcycle polygamist who goes for all styles of bike. My vote was split between the Munch Mammoth and the Ducati Indiana!

The brainchild of Friedl Munch, the Mammoth managed to cram an air-cooled inline-four taken from a car (the NSU Prinz) into a motorcycle frame. Displacing 1200cc with a 5½ gallon tank up top, it was actually a good performer... But like the Boss Hoss and Amazonas which came after, it is painfully clear that even the best designer would have trouble making something other than an eyesore when a car engine is used in a motorcycle.



The European manufacturers have long known that to stay afloat, they must cater to the American motorcyclist. For the most part this can mean only one thing: build a cruiser. While some like Triumph and Moto Guzzi had some success in this market segment, others like BMW and Ducati seemed to fall flat. Ducati can be forgiven - to a certain extent - as the Indiana was actually built by Cagiva, who would stick the Ducati logo on the tank. The premise was simple - build a cruiser using a sportbike engine. However, the resulting bike wasn't very well executed. I guess the one redeeming quality is that lessons learned by Ducati with the Indiana may have prevented them from a repeat with the stunning Diavel!



So what say you? What do you think is the ugliest production motorcycle ever?

“No object is so beautiful that, under certain conditions, it will not look ugly.” - Oscar Wilde